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The current year signifies a full decade since the phrase “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the concept that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the peak of indignity. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, finding a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful endeavor in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their Gen Y forerunners could ever fathom. And so their romantic vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your sanity.

Below is a extensive glossary to the phrases Zoomers is using to discuss love, sex and the pursuit of both. To channel one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Genuineness – According to gen Z, romance's ultimate goal is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a test developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is interested or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while oozing mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Choremance – A date where two people form a link while running errands, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped people in their 20s do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Emotional spiral – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

D

Dink – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it describes couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own well-being. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal habits indicating a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners unstable, bad tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your decision to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, minimal screen time, having a bed frame …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, mostly benign idiosyncrasies. Such as being an keen ornithologist, still carrying around a biro in their bag, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as passionate about films about the second world war or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who loathes the same things or people that you do (nothing creates intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of silence.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is beloved by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's foil.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt marathon sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, nurturing and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no goals of her own other than pleasing her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely sweet display.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ideal catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Making out – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has existed for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be limited since some gen Z want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen romance realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {